Who is the submissive?

People who declare themselves full-time submissives - as in their whole sexuality and relations are based on being submissive - is a comparatively smaller number in my experience. Most of the people I meet are so called ‘switches’ - submissive in some occasions or to certain people (like me) and dominant in other occasions (with other partners, spouses etc), and some like to indulge in both in the same evening. 

How does this choice happen? Is it about the relation, is it about a specific kink, is it about the power / lack of power a specific person yields? 

I think there is no simple answer, BUT. I was reading an article about the dominatrix Catherine Robbe-Grillet and the reporter asked her: ‘How can you tell who is really the submissive and who is really the dominant in any given relationship? Appearances are so often deceptive.’

Her answer?

“The one whose need is the greatest is the submissive.”

I like the shortness and simplification of this and I think it can help navigate certain dynamics. She doesn’t deny that a Domme may still have a need for a submissive, for a toy, a body, a mind, a connection and a tool to play with. But it’s often much less of a need than the need of the submissive - to serve, to be used and of use, to express, to not think, to please, to give in; you name it. 

So, my submissive toys - remember that your need is always greater than mine, and that you will always be a source of entertainment to me because of it. But don't worry, I cherish you precisely for it.

Kisses,
Eve