Sex and BDSM

Whenever I hear someone say that for them BDSM does not include sex, I want to ask them - and how do you define 'sex' exactly?

I respect people creating their own unique BDSM relations that may or may not involve 'sex' (whatever that means for them), however I noticed that often in such statements lies a very conservative understanding of what sex is in general - that it is only penetrative/oral sex (anal is definitely on the fence).

If you prefer to keep that definition of sex, that is fine. However, I do feel it can be limiting, especially for those looking to expand their pleasure possibilities. I feel sex is more about the energy that flows between people - the erotic tension, the playful tease, the easy-going care - rather than specific activities. It can look differently for different people. For example, spitting in someone's mouth to Me can be the way we kiss. Holding someone on a leash as I look into their eyes is sex. Kicking in the balls can be incredibly erotically arousing. Biting on the nipples can make one cum. Cleaning done properly may unleash something. The list is really never-ending.

I understand there are reasons not to involve 'sex' in your BDSM play - if you're playing with strangers and you want to make sure it's not creepy or unsafe for them, so you play without any erotic energy. If you are only interested in physical sensation without any wish for arousal or attraction. But even then, you can define that as 'sex'.

Then you may ask, if everything can be sex, what is NOT sex? I'll leave that for you to define for yourself. You are your own unique sexual being, remember that.

For Me, well...

Life is sex.

In The Mood,
Eve