Loneliness is a desire

Over the holidays I picked up a book about loneliness that I've been meaning to read for some time - The Lonely City by Olivia Laing.

It is a familiar topic to Me, as being alone has both been a precious choice and a burden in the past. Although, when I let Myself think about that, I realize the latter happened mostly when I learnt (or was taught) that being alone meant there's probably something 'wrong' with you. It's when I've experienced feelings of FOMO (fear of missing out) or fears of being judged or shamed. What's more, as the book describes it, such shameful loneliness grows on you. It becomes like a sticky web that is hard to shake off. The more isolated you become, the harder it is to untangle yourself from it. It's as if people smell your loneliness from a distance and you are absolutely exposed if you don't hide. Or maybe you become so comfortable with your own space that others don't seem to fit in there, even if you have a hunger for that connection. Which in turn, leaves you questioning again if there really - truly - is something wrong with you.

But yet again, as with all shadow and difficult aspects of our lives, I am fascinated by solitude, loneliness and isolation. One of My favourite quotes from the book questions it all, too:

'So much of the pain of loneliness is to do with concealment, with feeling compelled to hide vulnerability, to tuck ugliness away, to cover up scars as if they are literally repulsive. But why hide? What's so shameful about wanting, about desire, about having failed to achieve satisfaction, about experiencing unhappiness?'

I see no shame here. I celebrate your wanting. Your craving. Your fantasies. You desire for touch. Your desire to not touch. To be left alone and yet connected. To be in My presence even if it feels like a fleeting moment. Your desire to try and fail. To be unhappy and then also be happy. And then try again and feel all of that rip through your body - again.

How can that be not beautiful?

Read this as your open invitation to come to Me with your loneliness and pulsing wounds. I'll decide if I want to devour them or tend to them but there is no need to hide.

And I also remember that some of My happiest memories are when I'm lost, wandering and alone - in the city, in the forest, in the jungle or on the road, wild as the wind. So first - catch Me if you can and show Me your loneliness is worth Mine.

Kisses,
Eve